no stone unturned!

Different from my technical part that I have to do every day, One of the things I’m doing these days is that I’m conducting a series of workshops called “silver lining” that aims to let people discover the shining side of the darkest moment.


Basically, it seeks to expound that no matter however dark the night be, every cloud has a silver lining.

Each workshop covers a different topic related to hopes and possibilities and attempts to steer fellow attendies for changing their cynical perspectives.

This series of 23 lectures has come about 25 percent of its way and is being attended by over 250 people each time from various backgrounds ranging from college/university students to corporate human resource, administration staff, school students, housewives, management folks and so on.

The reason why I had to bring this info here is because of the immense pleasure I felt yesterday while delivering the lecture, especially because I’ve been a bit apprehensive before starting the lecture due to my health issues, incomplete preparations and the general, nourvous myself.

Before starting the lecture, I’ve had a choked throat and a terrible voice due to the cough and cold that I’m having yet again.

Further, i just haven’t been able to put together all the presentation material that I’ve planned, hence was somewhat unsure if I’d be able to put across what i was intending prior to the workshop.

The topic was: “no stone unturned”.

Often, in life many of us do not reach to the intended goal, simply because we just haven’t tried all that we could.

Its my belief out of my personal experiences that In your quest to succeed, you never know how close you are to succeeding and will never know which stone or opportunity will be the one that will create the breakthrough.

You may have turn over a lot of stones and sort through a lot opportunities to reach your objective. But with each one you are moving closer to your goals.

The stone or the opportunity that you decide to overlook . . . . could be the one that would make the difference.

Be a seeker of opportunities and be the one to turn over the stones on your success journey and the one that your seeking will be there for you.

Success takes persistence, time and effort . . . . Commit yourself to succeed and with each stone that you turn over you are getting one stone closer your goals.

Its simple, if you try everything, something would work!



Opposite to my apprehensions, the yesterday’s lecture went on great and its been in fact one of the most enjoyable workshops that I’ve ever conducted.

Without conferring any philosophical statement, I’m just simply happy that I’ve been able to turn my worries in a constructive direction, perhaps because of the same silver lining that I’ve been able to observe during the darks of health issues, incomplete preparations and all my personal obscurities.

thank you so much each of you folks of my wonderful silver lining team, its you guys that makes us worth something.

Following is what I’ve said for summarizing the topic by the way:



I'm looking for a reason, I'm watching the signs,

This head on collision is a race against time,

Is this an illusion? It seems so unreal,

This manifestation is drawing me near.



Something to grab a hold of,

Capture a glimpse from the mind's eye,

Releasing all that I contain,

And all I perceive by.



I Feel the pressure building,

Got to take this journey on my own,

I have to seize the moment,

Leave no stone unturned until I'm done.



I walk this Earth, Until I stagger and fallTo my knees,

I won't rest my bones If I'm awake or asleep,

There'll be no relief.



Just like a vapor, moments flash by,

Way beyond measure like the infinite sky,

Realization, a token of faith,

A constant reminder of my ultimate grave.



I Feel the pressure building,

Got to take this journey on my own,

I have to seize the moment,

Leave no stone unturned until I'm done....

Silence inside my head

well then, i'm really observing that there's a serious and immediate need for me to cit down with my own self and sort out the tussle going in me.
i'm feeling sad, hurted and disappointed about the things that i'm not able to bare because of someone who is so important to me. there's too much to write, but my silence has taken over all my words and all my emotions. i feel an unplumbed silence around me, and shits, i don't want this to happen.
this is what happening to me till i get over myself with this unbarable silence:

Silence inside my head,
solitude shaping my thoughts.
Bitter melodies hummed under breath,
violence just under the surface.

Loneliness creating unbearable pressure,
explosions in my mind.
Shaking in passions unreleased,
pain expanding outside myself.

Tears drain my strength,
frustration consumes my days.
Sultry dreams of you all night,
opening my eyes to emptiness.

Pulled away from hope,
shaking as silence enfolds again.
Enveloped in inarticulate thoughts,
crying out without a sound.

Muffled by my own fears,
tempered by past misfortunes.
Exhausted without a cause,
laying twisted in blankets.

Something touching my soul,
leaving me vulnerable.
Loving you with such distance,
leaving me hurting alone.

Anger built within frustration,
self-loathing in control of my emotions.
Sabotaging myself into sadness,
tears staining my heart.

I don't want to be alone,
I don't know how to live.
Will your touch will heal me,
Will your love bring me to life.

How you have made me weak,
you can make me strong.
Sniffling away my tears,
burying my lost hope.

I crawl out of bed,
alone I face the day.
Solitude shaping my thoughts,
silence inside my head.

don't stop loving me?

With the recent occurrences happening with me, I’ve got to learn that in life, the person that brings out the best in you and the one that makes you strong is actually your weekness too.
However strong I might be in front of the whole world, there’s someone who at times is my biggest weekness, especially when the person ever get stray.
Hey, you really are my biggest strength and the biggest weekness. You’ve got all the powers to build or destroy me, just please, please don’t stop loving me if I’m really not that bad. Please?

Don’t stop loving me
For I might break
Don’t stop loving me
For it’ll be a mistake

Without your love
I don’t know what I’ll do
Without your love
I might turn blue

Your love gives me energy
Helps me stay alive
Without it I might stop living,
You give me life

when you're with me,
Everything is bright
So don’t stop loving me
For I might lose sight

I love you with all my heart
And hope you feel the same
I always will love you
For you help keep me sane

Together we may struggle
but without you all I feel is pain.
Sometimes I may seem confused
but there is one thing that will never change.

The feelings I have for you don't fade or go away.
They continue to grow stronger each day with every kiss.
Life without you is something I can't imagine.
From within my soul, it's you I'd miss.

I could believe in fate and put up a fight.
But you and I are not written.
Although there is a truth I'd like to write.

We both have scars,
with memories that can not be erased,
but together we are stronger.
In your hands my heart has been placed.

This is a choice I have made.
I understand the risk I take.
Please hold my heart dear to you.
Careful to never break.

If you do stumble or fall,
please don't forget to gather all the pieces.,
It's your choice of what to do with them.
My love for you never ceases……..

Please hear what i'm not saying

Those who know me might be already aware
that I’m usually bad in explaining myself and expressing the emotions,

that Sometimes, i’d feel some things that I won’t tell, and sometimes I’d tell somethings that I’d not feel,
That the least I do is I get quiet when I don’t like something and so on.
I know that I’m difficult to understand, but I wish someone could ever hear what I’m not saying.
The following few lines might not mean anything to most of you, but these are just I feel, and goes out for someone who matters so much to me.
No expectations, girl, its just my way of letting my thoughts out….

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
And you are everything that I need.
So, Please Hear What I'm Not Saying, if you can….

what's love

Well so, I sincerely appologize for the very long time since I last wrote a blog post. I have been plagued with a disease called "laziness" and it crippled my hands from interpreting the thoughts on to paper. But today is special.I had an epiphany today and I could not let these thoughts fall through.

Recently, I’ve realized that I seem to have found   someone who  finally lushed my heart the craziest possible way.

This new experience that i’m experiencing from the last some months now has  helped me redefine and better understand this thing called "love". However, I’ve also realized at the same time that the love has different forms, different versions, different ways and the different meanings in the different situations, different conditions and much depends on person-to-person.

I think that its almost impossible defining what love is.

Its tough, its easy,  it shines, it fades, it has colors and shades,

  its day, its night, its dark, its light, its rite, its wrong, its a prose, its a son, it is sadness, it is happiness, it is pain, it drives you  insane,

 there is feeling, there is healing, you  make promises, you  swear,  there is security, there is fear,

 it makes, it breaks, it tears, it mends, it rises, it bends,

its a jewel, its a crown, it comes up and down,

you  sacrifise, you  choose, you  win, you  lose, you  hide, you  find,

its in heart, its in mind, its loving, its craving, its a fire, its a desire,

its giving, its forgiving, you  need it, you  creed it, you  want it, you  grant it,

it is an inspirtation, its an aspiration, it is desperation, it is frustration,

it makes you  smile, make you  cry, it even makes you  wonder why,

love is deep as oceans, with so many emotions, much that you  try to prescribe, love really you  can't describe.

P.S: thank you, girl, that you made me realize and even think about all that, I haven’t been this way ever before.

do what you want to

Interestingly these days, I somehow get to find one or the other poem for every situation that I’m going through. Its perhaps the magic or the influence of the person who matters in most of these situation, but I’m seriously amazed and bemused at the same time to discover that poet in myself. I’m of course not writing new poem each time, but a poet is also who can relate the poems with his/her own situations and put them on right places.


Here goes another, and I really mean it!



There are people that will investigate you

They'll insinuate, intimidate and complicate you

Don't ever wait or hesitate to state the fate that awaits those who

Try to shake or take you

Don't let them break you



You can do anything you want to do

It's not wrong what I sing it's true

You can do anything you want to do

Do what you want to



People that despise you will analyse then criticise you

They'll scandalise and tell lies until they realize

You are someone they should have apologised to

Don't let these people compromise you

Be wise too



You can do anything you want to do

It's not wrong what I sing it's true

You can do anything you want to do

Do what you want to



Hey you you're not their puppet on a string

You can do everything

It's true if you really want to

You can do anything you want



Just like I do



You can do anything you want to do

doesn't matter!

Hey! So its again several days since I’ve last written out here, but I hope it doesn’t matter. Right isn’t it?

Hmm, so though I’ve got a lot of things to write about, I’m in the hurry of going for a lecture, so there’s this poem that goes out for someone who really matters.

This is quite a lot of the tussle that’s going in me right now, but no context telling, simply because I’m in the hurry to move, and that this is a long and somewhat complicated thing. I hope that does not matter to you…, and if it does, I’ll write it out some other day.

Hmm, he-he

Oh, hey

Doesn't matter (It doesn't matter)

Doesn't matter at all!

Doesn't matter what your friends are telling you

Doesn't matter what my family's saying too

It just matters that I'm in love with you

It only matters that you love me too

It doesn't matter if they won't accept you

I'm accepting of you and the things you do

Just as long as it's you

Nobody but you, baby, baby

My love for you, unconditional love too

Gotta get up, get up

Get up, get up, get up and show you that it¡­

Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing

Cause I'm in love with the inner being

And it doesn't really matter what they believe

What matters to me is you're in love with me

Just what I asked for, you're so loving and kind

And I can't believe you're mine

Doesn't matter if you're feeling insecure

Doesn't matter if you're feeling so unsure

Cause I'll take away the doubt within your heart

And show that my love will never hurt or harm

Doesn't matter what the pain we go through

Doesn't matter if the money's gone too

Just as long as I'm with you

Nobody but you, baby, baby

Doesn't matter what they say

Cause you know I'm gonna love you anyway

Doesn't matter what they do

Cause my love will always be with you

My love for you unconditional love too

Gotta get up, get up

Get up, get up, get up and show you that

My love is true, and it's just for you, uh

Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing

Cause I'm in love with the inner being

And it doesn't really matter what they believe

What matters to me is you're in love with me

Go With the Flow!

All of us have different ways  to live and deal with the life and its problems.
There are different philosophies,  theories, methods, ways and mechanisms that suggest to solve the problems and control the situations in our favor, but  No matter how much structure we create in our lives, no matter how many good habits we build, there will always be things that we cannot control — and if we let them, these things can be a huge source of anger, frustration and stress.
A lot has happened with me in the last several months.
While there were great moments like I’ve scored amongst top 30 in a grand  national cooking competition, had musical concert with famous mika singh, scored amongst top 3  in a swimming competition, managed getting decent marks in exams, earned several hundred thousand dollars, a lot of wonderful business trips around the world, hang out with friends, so much of chatter with friends on phone and internet messangers, porn movies and  dirty stuff etc,
I’ve had severe health issues, business losses, conflicts with business partners, family issues, hacking of servers,  workloads,  and actually a whole bunch of difficult things.
One of these days, during a telephonic conversation a friend asked me what do I think is the best approach for dealing with life’s problems, and I’ve answered what I’ve been always telling to everyone, “learn to go with the flow!”
this  brought an interesting debate whether one should go with the flow or against the flow?
According to her,  its better to go against the flow.  She thinks that Change is inevitable, yes. But don’t think for a minute that humans don’t have control
over it, because we do. As the species in charge of this earth, we are artisans of change. Just look at what Al Gore has undertaken in the name of extending
the life on our planet. Just look at how far the human race has come.
Interesting perspective  isn’t it?
I, however still believe in going with the flow.

when I say “go with the flow” it does not symbolize “following the majority” or to silence my opinions.

To go with the flow is  rolling with the punches.  accepting change without getting angry or frustrated.  taking what life gives you,

rather than trying to mold life to be exactly as you want it to be.

I use “go with the flow” as a mantra, an optimism and a life style. To go with the flow is to accept all of the noise, energy, and joy that life brings. The good, bad, unexpected, and painful times are going to come at us no matter what; how we chose to react to them shapes who we are. 

For example, let’s say you’ve created the perfect peaceful morning routine. You’ve structured your mornings so that you do things that bring you calm and

happiness. And then a water pipe bursts in your bathroom and you spend a stressful morning trying to clean up the mess and get the pipe fixed.

Suppose you found heavy traffic jam on your way to office, and you got late in reaching the office.

You have a very important assignment to complete, and suddenly you found that the system has crashed.

You get angry. You are disappointed, because you didn’t get to do your morning routine. You are stressed from all these changes to what you’re used to.

It ruins your day because you are frustrated for the rest of the day.

Not the best way to handle things, is it? And yet if we are honest, most of us have problems like this, with things that disrupt how we like things, with

people who change what we are used to, with life when it doesn’t go the way we want it to go.

The best way, in such situations is to accept the realities and finding the next best solution rather getting stuck and disappointed.

Someone once said that the successful people do not do different things, they just do the things differently!

Its all about keep moving no matter what, keeping optimism alive, having faith on yourself, and of course think creatively.

There’s a poem that summarise most of what i’ve been able to learn  from the life till now:

It is the most natural

To be yourself.

But it is also arduous

To keep your sense

Of being authentic

And being unique

Among the authorities

In the world of technique

Until you discover

That all is in you:

Every knowledge and answer,

And the Source of the True

As well as the harmony

You sought from outside -

Your inner reality

Holds the true paradise.

If you only believe it,

Overflow it with light

And remove what is weediest,

Growing seeds of delight

You could hope for the richest

Harvest - bringing in Love

And enjoy the achievements,

Which are treasures above.

That is how you’ll be wealthy,

But as free as the wind,

Always new and ascending

To the higher beliefs.

Yes, you could be a fighter

In the quest of the soul

But it will be much lighter,

If you go with the flow!

b

hey, i'm back!

Hey, so I’m back!

However unbelievable that it might be, this is indeed me, writing on this blog after ages!

wow. It's been ages since I've last written here. I wasn't even sure this account would work. I almost thought it didn't when an ad page came up with a

tiny link for 'No Thanks' before it continued.

A lot has happened since I’ve last written here, everywhere, and with everyone!

The life treated me   somewhat fair and somewhat harsh, but for sure  its been an intresting and a learning time all together.

I’ve actually almost forgotten that I have a blog here, and you’d also have forgotten for that matter. no?  However, there’s an interesting story how I got back here today.

These days, I’m having blows with the health. blows that have highly affected my work and efficiency.

Recently,  I’ve had a real bad cough and cold, and I have completely lost my voice–people can’t even understand me when I whisper. This is, of course, highly

Ironic, as each time I talk to someone, I need to give prove that its me!

and I cannot even speak

one word!

. I’m doing a lot of listening and keeping silent, and as I do so, I realize how frequently

words are used to explain ourselves, prove ourselves, justify ourselves.

I just imagined how terrible it could be if I ever go mute, and it is this realization that I decided to write here, as keeping silent is just not possible for the chatterboxes like me!

And now, while writing this post I’m realizing that I should write more often.

Besides the reasons of health, I’ve also found that there are so many things that I’ve not been able to share with anyone, and this blog is the best place to write them out. Hence,   I’m not promising anything at this point, but I’m definetly going to try that I write here more often!

Oh, and as I just said that I’ve learned a great deal from the last  several months, I’m reminiscing  a  song that will sum this up quite well:

Sing me a song, you're a singer

Do me a wrong, you're a bringer

The Devil is never a maker

The less that you give, you're a taker

So it's on and on and on

...it's Heaven and Hell, oh well

The lover of life's not a sinner

The ending is just a beginner

The closer you get to the meaning

The sooner you'll know that you're dreaming

So it's on and on and on

Oh it's on and on and on

It goes on and on and on, Heaven and Hell

I can tell, fool, fool!

Well, if it seems to be real, it's illusion

For every moment of truth, there's confusion

Love can be seen as the answer

But nobody bleeds for the dancer

And it's on and on, on and on and on....

They say that life's a carousel

Spinning fast, you've got to ride it well

The world is full of Kings and Queens

Who blind your eyes then steal your dreams

...it's Heaven and Hell, oh well

And they'll tell you black is really white

The moon is just the sun at night

And when you walk in golden halls

You get to keep the gold that falls

It's Heaven and Hell

Oh well,

So it's on and on and on

Oh it's on and on and on

It goes on and on and on, Heaven and Hell

I can tell, fool, fool!