Saturday, March 27, 2010

say it! that's the best way out

What have you been saying to the one you love? Do you tell
him or her how you feel, romantically, I mean? Many of us find it
hard to express our romantic or sexual feelings. We are afraid to
seem too needy, too infatuated, too pushy or too horny. Meanwhile,
inside we are filled with desire, passion, and a need to be as
close, as intimate, as we can be to the one we love. So what do
we do? What do we say?
Words come hard when we are face to face with the person we
love. Words come a bit easier on the phone. And they seem to be
easiest to express in writing. Cards, E-mail, letters are a lot
easier to compose. When you write to someone, you can take your
time putting into words exactly what you want to say. Many times
when you are face to face or on the phone, your nerves get in the
way of you thoughts and your tongue. You might say the wrong thing
or say something you feel but which comes out all wrong. One
positive aspect of saying it live is that you sometimes get instant
feedback and you can quickly correct any misstatements or
misunderstandings. If you send something by mail, your words sit
there in your loved one's face and he or she is left wondering what
you mean by them.
It's good to talk. If you feel good about what someone has
said or written to you, or how their affection and attention have
made you feel, try to let him or her know. There's no need to go
overboard. Just drop a hint. If you say nothing, your special
someone will wonder if he or she has said something you do not
like.
I have tried to figure out why some of us are so afraid to
express our innermost feelings, our most intimate emotions, why we
are terrified to respond to the loving feelings others express
toward us. Of course, one reason can be that we do not share those
feelings and would just rather not tell the person that such
feelings are not mutual, thereby hurting him or her. That's not
a good idea. It leaves the person, who is expressing his or her
heartfelt emotions, confused, hanging, wondering.
Another reason for not responding to words of love can be
fear. Fear that we are not really that good. We feel we don't
deserve all this praise or affection. This might be because,
throughout our lives, we were never seen as loveable, handsome,
pretty, desirable, or sexually appealing. But when you are loved
by someone, for whatever reason, you become desirable to that
person. And he or she needs to know you have feelings for him or
her, too. Love is a two-way street.
You have to try to give little gifts of love. I don't mean
things, objects. I mean words. Words from you heart. Just
something to let the one who loves you know he or she is making you
feel loved.
Too often when someone says he or she wants to hug us or kiss
us, we might think this is just a need for sex or a desire on the
other person's part to feel reassured that he or she is sexy. But
is that what all this is really all about? It very well might be.
But if you are a pet owner, how often do you hug and kiss your pet?
My cat is always getting hugged or kissed by me. This isn't about
sex. It's about love. My cat and I are very close. We respect
each other and show affection for each other. There is a need in
both of us for that closeness that has nothing to do with sex. I
agree lovers are not pets or animals. Well, not all are. ;-)
Maybe some are some of the time. It does get confusing!
Seriously, we need to try to show our feelings for each other.
We need to open ourselves up to the man or woman we love, and who
loves us. I know this is not easy. Many of us have been badly
hurt by those we thought we could trust. We have been used and
abused. Some of us have been emotionally and sexually exploited.
All I can say is we have to go slow, get to know the one who says
he or she loves us, and try to develop trust. Trust for him or
her, and trust for our own feelings. I don't mean you have to say
things like, "I want to tear your clothes off and make passionate
love with you." But try to say things like, "You make me feel
loved." Your man or woman friend needs to feel he or she is making
you feel good. A good man or woman will probably stop saying these
affectionate things to you if he or she doesn't get some positive
feedback from you when he or she says them. Without that feedback,
he or she will assume only he or she feels that way. And you do
not. So if you share these feelings of love, say what's in your
heart. By doing so, you'll warm the heart of the person who cares
deeply about you. And he or she will continue to warm yours.

of course, that's my view, and you are encouraged not to agree. yeah, just let me know either or not you agree, via your comments of course.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

hey prateek, have you tried it? or thinking to try...
best of luck man!

prateek agarwal said...

oh thanks, yeah i've tried it to myself too, though this post was intended more to tell the world what i got to figgure out.