how to irritate people and lose friends

Your urges that have unfortunately (for you) caused you to peruse this harmless-looking piece of text shall be the cause of more harm than you would have
thought an innocent and harmless-looking piece of text could have in the first place. This elongated paragraph was written partly out of an urge to write
and more partly to warn you that the writer or the written takes no responsibility of the consequences that might / might not happen to happen.

As you might have guessed from the topic you are about to meet a sermon and then you might need a surgeon. Okay just kidding, no surgeons required. Getting
on with what is most desirable at this instant, let me start by asserting that you take the first step in the world of irritating people when you actually
take your first step. Yes. It has been chemically, psychologically, statistically (and all other allies taken) proven that the ability to irritate and
annoy is inherent. Remember how you irritated your parents by excreting at your convenience.. Ah! What comfortable days. Well, a clever mind would argue
that we still do that at our convenience but clever minds can go to hell. Rejoice, you can, after hearing that you too are intrinsically able to irritate
others but the truth is that most people are wonted to such patterns of irritations and hence to step out of the box, you must think out of the box. If
you have asked yourself which box after reading the previous line, you are a natural. But in other cases too, development is possible, so there is less
need to worry.

The best way to bother someone is by asking questions. Ask ask ask till you bask. Prepare a series of random questions and learn them by heart. Fire them
at every friend you see. These questions must range from 'How are you' to 'Why didn't the subspace field harmonically ultra cogentic engines fail while
the Apollo 15 took off'. If the person in any way tries to suggest that no Apollo 15 is in existence yet, be sure to ask Why, and keep in store a corresponding
Why for every answer the patient of a man/woman has for you. With constant practice you shall be avoided. But there is no time for repose, this is just
the beginning.

There are a couple of other methods to chafe people and the best one is to attack the ego. Wait, didn't I say the best was to ask questions? Oh whatever,
just read don't ask questions. Attack the ego, I say. Sermonize as much as you can. Tell them always that the best path to take in life is a path of integrity,
honesty and virtue. Make sure you yourself are atleast a hundred miles away from that path. Great. Ask people that did they embrace the path of integrity,
honesty and virtue or are they still ignoble in their outlook every time you meet them. Make sure this is asked in public. You shall again be avoided.

Once you are avoided, beg for forgiveness. This, I know it is tough, but it is worth it. Beg for forgiveness promising you have changed and act normal
for a few days. After these days of silence, start boasting of your integrity, honesty and virtue. Start talking about how embracing the path of integrity,
honesty and virtue is the most difficult thing to do. Moreover, keep repeating integrity, honesty and virtue in every aspect and conversation. Kindle an
aversion for integrity, honesty and virtue in the other one's heart by repeating about integrity, honesty and virtue atleast a million times a day. When
the person cannot listen about integrity, honesty and virtue, chide him/her for talking such about integrity, honesty and virtue. For integrity, honesty
and virtue are the basis of integrity, honesty and virtue and without integrity, honesty and virtue what good is a person. It is only integrity, honesty
and virtue that differentiate us from the beast, integrity, honesty and virtue that term us human and only integrity, honesty and virtue that are responsible
for adding Kind to Man, hence making integrity, honesty and virtue a necessity for ManKind as a hole.

Your friend now has two options. Either to run away from you or to actually imbibe integrity, honesty and virtue. Most sane individuals would choose the
former and shun integrity, honesty and virtue, making their lives pits of shit, because without integrity, honesty and virtue that is what a human life
is, a pit of shit.

Once you have elicited complete, categorical and absolute hate from the person concerned owing to your stubbornness, you can be sure you have annoyed him/her
enough and that should be the point of satisfaction. Although, if you still don't feel satisfied, either embrace integrity, honesty and virtue or keep
asking yourself why you are still not satisfied until you actually embrace integrity, honesty and virtue.

Now that you have lost one friend, you can move on to make others solely for the purpose of annoying and losing them, thus assimilating integrity, honesty
and virtue in the process.

Statutory Warning: Reading this post might be injurious to your mental health.